Mobile

things are changing. so fast. it's like if i look away for a second, things will just change into different forms. like a mobile. everything around me is changing. my best friends. my life. everything.

Naomi. i feel like she is changing. i don't know if it's just me or she's just no longer the same. more introvert to me. she befriends with people who has bad reputations too. it's not that i think she is changing into something bad. it's just me being a best friend who is worried about her. 

Blur. Well after the typhoon was over, we' reconcile and we are doing our best to fix this. But we're not really the same anymore. They're getting further from me. Maybe because we are in different classes. they're still care for me. it's just...things are not the same anymore. we rarely find times to be spent together. they're busy doing projects and i'm busy doing my project with my classmates. With the gap, i think we're still good. even sometimes i feel forgotten.

My future. it keeps changing whenever i turn around. i have never seen it clearly. it's so hard to decide something this BIG without thinking about the risks, other options, and what may come ahead. and well....i'm scared. to take bigger risks. afraid of stepping to higher stones. but there's just one life to live, isn't it? there's no time to wait. to be wasted. 

Kevin. well...above all of those things that keep changing. besides God, he's the one that stays the same for me. he is still the ignorant and insensitive boyfriend. he still does sweet things in some idiotic ways. he still sends me voice notes of him playing piano which i still hear every time i'm going to sleep. he's still the guy i can't stare for a long time because i'm afraid that he will see through me. he's still the boy who never knows what he wants and never says what he means. he still falls asleep and leaves me when we're texting in the night. he still hears only half of what i say. and he's still showing up too late. but that's Kevin. and i love him for being him. i love him the way he is. the way he forgets his promises. the way he pretends like he never gets jealous. the way he thinks and talks so fast. the way he loves me. 

Today is our 5 month anniversary. He canceled our meeting today. Kevin, being Kevin. But it doesn't matter. We've still got hundreds of days to meet and spend together. But what will i do later? When you're gone, Kevin, what will i do?

in a distance

Time flies. It's almost a month since the last time i posted something. So many things have been going around me. Good things. Bad things. School is really suffocating these days. I'm sick of doing tests and retests and projects and those endless assignments. Anyway, i just finished my mid term tests. Some of the scores were up and they're pretty good. I'm crossing fingers for the result. 

Hmm. What else? Ah. I'm very grateful for my school life in XIIA1. They are very entertaining and supporting at once. Every time i feel so stressed out, they're there to share a laugh together. And when i'm stuck in a lesson, they're there to encourage me and help me out. We had fun at Thursday and took some pictures with our homeroom teacher and our varsity jacket of course! I LOVE EM ALL. (anyway i am the one with number 04)

Hmm... What else... Ah. There is a little typhoon happening in my friendship with BLUR. They're my best friends since got into science class. BLUR is me, Desy, Viwu, Elaine, Carissa, and Karina. Karina joined us lately because she went into the same class with them in XIIA5 while i'm here with XIIA1. There's a misunderstanding going around like a virus. Hopping from one person to another. This is not a big matter, in fact it's a very tiny one in my perspective, but one of us sees it as a very big problem and now stepping away from us. I don't want to watch this. I don't want us to be faded like an old photo from the past. Eaten by time. One of us seems out of control of her emotions. The others are trying to reach for her, but it seems like she doesn't want to be reached. I don't understand. I don't get it. We are best friends. We should stick together, shouldn't we? But why are you running away, my friend? I don't want letting you slipping away like this. As easy as this. You're the closest to me. But why? Please reconsider our days we've been through together. We love you sincerely. We really do.

Now that you have taken a step away from us. You can take your time. Think about it. We will be here waiting. Standing in a distance. Never far behind.