Mobile

things are changing. so fast. it's like if i look away for a second, things will just change into different forms. like a mobile. everything around me is changing. my best friends. my life. everything.

Naomi. i feel like she is changing. i don't know if it's just me or she's just no longer the same. more introvert to me. she befriends with people who has bad reputations too. it's not that i think she is changing into something bad. it's just me being a best friend who is worried about her. 

Blur. Well after the typhoon was over, we' reconcile and we are doing our best to fix this. But we're not really the same anymore. They're getting further from me. Maybe because we are in different classes. they're still care for me. it's just...things are not the same anymore. we rarely find times to be spent together. they're busy doing projects and i'm busy doing my project with my classmates. With the gap, i think we're still good. even sometimes i feel forgotten.

My future. it keeps changing whenever i turn around. i have never seen it clearly. it's so hard to decide something this BIG without thinking about the risks, other options, and what may come ahead. and well....i'm scared. to take bigger risks. afraid of stepping to higher stones. but there's just one life to live, isn't it? there's no time to wait. to be wasted. 

Kevin. well...above all of those things that keep changing. besides God, he's the one that stays the same for me. he is still the ignorant and insensitive boyfriend. he still does sweet things in some idiotic ways. he still sends me voice notes of him playing piano which i still hear every time i'm going to sleep. he's still the guy i can't stare for a long time because i'm afraid that he will see through me. he's still the boy who never knows what he wants and never says what he means. he still falls asleep and leaves me when we're texting in the night. he still hears only half of what i say. and he's still showing up too late. but that's Kevin. and i love him for being him. i love him the way he is. the way he forgets his promises. the way he pretends like he never gets jealous. the way he thinks and talks so fast. the way he loves me. 

Today is our 5 month anniversary. He canceled our meeting today. Kevin, being Kevin. But it doesn't matter. We've still got hundreds of days to meet and spend together. But what will i do later? When you're gone, Kevin, what will i do?