what stays

Yesterday i went on a date with Kevin. We almost canceled it because of the rain that was crazily pouring, but he made it. I was glad we made it. We watched a movie called "Looper". I don't really understand about the whole thing in the movie. I don't even pay that much attention to understand what exactly it was about. The one that caught my whole attention was Kevin himself. 

I've never felt like that before. When i was with other guys, i was different. I watched the movie. I only felt nervous at the first time then it would be gone. But with Kevin... That was the 5th time (if i'm not mistaken, i'm bad with numerical memory) watching random movie in a cinema. But i still couldn't get my attention off him. 

When the lights are out and the movie starts, the first thing he always does is putting his hand with his palm facing upwards on the hand seat. Poking my hand slightly sometimes. And then i would rest my fingers in his palm during the movie. I couldn't keep my heartbeats in control after that. It would keep faster and i would be afraid that he could hear my heartbeat because it was beating too strong. I would start pretending like i was paying all of my attention on the movie, while i was actually sneaking to take slight peeks of him. Silently. Sometimes he would catch my stares and stared back. And then i wouldl look down to calm myself because i couldn't bear his deadly stares. It will go on repeat during the movie. Until i got tired, and then i would place my head on his shoulder. Like he was waiting for it, he would place his head on mine. And it feels warm. I always close my eyes every time that happens. Capturing those memories in my head. Save it for the future. For when the days he will not be around. 

Now i realize that I've never been like this before, i don't want this to end. The clock is running, and the day that he will leave is getting closer. I know. I know how long it will take for us to see each other again. And i know it will kill me not to see him in his summer holiday or winter holiday. I know also that somehow he or i will not feel the same way again because the time and the distance will eventually make us to forget. I know every little detail of my fears of losing him. And i hate it. I hate this feeling. but i also know that no matter what happens. no matter how long and how far we are. no matter how slight the memories that will keep us alive. he will stay there. in my heart. his warmth. his hairy chin. his peaceful eyes. his safe hands. and his love. it stays there. and it will stay there. and i will keep it close. for a long time.