it's Saturday. finally i can breathe a little more. just got home and found nobody's home. so tired of walking. today Kevin celebrated his birthday. and actually i had to do a course at 1 p.m but i skipped it for him. we ate lunch with his close friends and mine. it was quick. about an hour and everybody went home. i actually had planned something with him. we were supposed to, well i don't know, spend some times together? But well he suddenly said that he had plans with his family. i was a liitle bit disappointed. but well, there was nothing i could do. i can't be selfish. so i went to the mall and planned to go around. so i walked. stepped into shops to another. i just kept walking. i didn't stop and take a break. i kept wandering around the mall.
i thought a lot when i was walking. and i remembered that i used to do this early when i was in my first semester of high school. every Saturday. i had no friends that time and i was bored at home. and today i did it again. and now that i think about the reason, i guess i did that because i don't want to feel lonely. walking alone in the middle of a crowded place makes me feel less lonely. because there are many people surround me. it felt good. i can forget my problems. clear my thoughts and my feelings.
Kevin was actually there inside the mall with his parents. waiting for his younger brother who was dating with his girlfriend. but he didn't go to see me. he thought about it but didn't do it. for several times. if you ask me what i feel about it, well, now i am annoyed. i skipped my course for him, then he canceled the plan. and then we were at a same place why didn't he go to see me while waiting for his brother. his brother could go dating, why couldn't he ? argh. it's hard to just keep it by myself. i didn't show him that i'm actually pissed. if i do that, well nothing changes. Kevin is the ignorant type. He won't even realize what's wrong if i show it. It's a waste anyway to get angry over this small matter. so i kept walking. then i saw him. but he didn't see me. i stopped. then i turned around and walked the other way. if he wanted to see me, he would have gone to see me. so i went home and kept saying to myself that it's his loss that he didn't see me.
he's still there now. talking about how boring it is accompanying his parents. me? i'm home. listening to Adam Levine's voice all over again with nobody else around me.
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