the untold story about my future

These days i've been thinking a lot about my future. about what i want. who i want to be. where will i go. going to college is way harder than getting into a good high school. it was very easy for me to get into the school where i go now. but college? it's a different thing. and i'm pretty scared of not going into a good university. or not going into the right direction. what if i choose the wrong option? my whole future will be ruined. actually i'm not even sure about who i want to be. 

I want to be like my dad. He has a small company that works for another bigger companies as a mechanical constructor company. and he has this job as a manager in technical support in this big bio gas company. He makes a lot from those things. And he inspires me. Knowing me interested in his job, he makes me wanting to go to an engineering faculty. I'm free to choose my specialty, so i choose industrial engineering or maybe electronical engineering. He wants me to get into a national university, the best one. Actually, i'm free to choose but i want to make him proud. Because my brother had disappointed him with not going into a national university. And this is hard. My options are ITB, UGM, or UI. If i don't get into one of those, maybe i will have to wait one year. Maybe i will try to do an audition for Indonesian Idol. Or just join a student exchange. But my parents probably won't let that happen.

Last week, a cousin who has worked in one of big companies of Mitsui group, offered me a scholarship to Japan. my dad was very excited about that (me too actually), because it was very worth it. the college fees are paid by the company. the living expenses are going to be around 12 millions per month. and i will get a new laptop. studying in Japan for 5.5 years. my job will be guaranteed after i graduated and my salary are possibly going to be above 15million rupiahs per month. i have a chance too to have a job outside Indonesia. it's a rare but also extremely good scholarships. i think i will fight harder for this thing because only 3 are chosen to go and i want to be one of them. 

But all of  those pressures of going to college are so effin' hard, so i decided to have a course of math and science. i have registered for that. and i will be taking those courses every Monday to Thursday from 5 to 7. this year's going to be the tiring one for me, i think. But i believe God has something for me to do. And i'm kind of waiting for that to happen.