cold

i've been busy on my own recently. thinking about college and career, pursuing goals. i didn't realize there's this small thing that i've never given some thoughts. Kevin. why? well after high school, he's going to Australia in order to pursue his dream. to be an architect. that means neither it's a Long Distance Relationship which is i'm sucked at or we're moving on without each other. the conclusions make me think even more desperately than my own career. yeah, laugh it out. i am thinking so hard about one guy and what i will do if i have to live without him, that's crazy. that's not even me. i've never thought about living without someone. because i'm fine with myself. i don't need anybody. friends? i can find some more in the new place. parents? had lived without them and i like it better. relatives? pfft. i don't care. it's funny how this stupid thing called love can change your principal of life. it's funny and it's crazy that deep down in my heart, i don't want to be apart. it's stupid actually. if i was someone else, i would probably laugh at me. it's stupid that you burst into tears when you think about living without someone you love. about how you will survive without them. about how you think stupid things they will be doing while you were not with them. i haven't felt something like this before, similar even. no. i used to think i'm a tough person that can handle any heartbreaks. even my hardest goodbye didn't give me this silly feelings when he had gone. but this. this makes me afraid. i'm afraid he would be my next goodbye, the impossible one. thinking about it even more makes me shiver. and here it comes. the cold and hard times i should handle myself.